Deer Santa Claws

Meester Santa Claws

Hims House

Norf Powl

Erf (or possibly not erf… I duzn’t really no’s… but how many Santa Claws’ can there be’s?)

Deer Meester Santa Claws,

It hab be’d qwite a sooper yeer for meself. Hab settled rite into me life as a ‘tired houndy tho mostly ham not ‘ticularly tired becoz there ham fings to do soopervizings ALL the time. But I ham a berry berry sooper boy at goings to bed at nite time (sept for being berry sneekies and hignoring Mummy wen hers tells meself it ham time for last wees. I duz not need last wees). I always takes meself to bed likes a berry big boy at seben o’clocks. I hab not maked any indoor wees all yeer but sumtimes (if sumfing wot duzn’t hagree wib meself falls into me mouf and slips into me tummy) I needs a poo ins the middle obs the nite and I duz acsidently forgets to ask for that but hab only dunned that too times this yeer (forget to ask that is, not acsidently hab fings falls into me mouf… that happens qwite a lot. Me mouf ham like a magnet for taysties fings… It ham not me folt I woz borned wib a magnet mouf so pleeze don’t puts meself ons the norty list).

I hab maked a millyon frends and hab eben got meself a Meester Porl and a older more shorter and fatter bruvva. I duz looks afta Thai sumtimes and stops him getting more fatter by eating hims foods. Sumtimes I forget hims qwite more older than meself and try to get himself to play but hims looks at meself like I ham stoopid. Wot I ham not.

I hab also not et me ginny pig sistas, Brenda and Dorofy. This ham qwite a hacheivement becoz… well… hab you see’d thems? Thems smorl and fluffies and joosy… But I hab not et them. So praps I shood be rite at the top obs the Good Boy List?

So… Meester Santa Claws, pleeze cood I hab sum sooper fings in me hooge red sok this year? Mummy sez we ham moobing house in Janyooary and I shood ask for helpy fings like noo tags for me collar and me harness but thems not ‘ticularly tasty. Hers also sez we duz needs noo beds for snoozings but thems wont stink like ourselfs and, agen, thems not taysties.

Wot I wood really lub wood be’s to hab sum berry taysties treets. Berry taysties ones. Like ones from DeMontforts becoz thems ham berry taysties and duzn’t make me bottom ‘splode and do midnite poos. It wood also be really really lubbly ifs you cood praps fit meself a noo teddy on you’s slay becoz me last one did ‘splode wot woz qwite sad.

Anyways, Meester Santa Claws, I duz hopes you ham berry well and you’s beerd ham ‘ticularly fluffies and wite likes wot Brenda’s chin ham. I will make sure that meself and Thai leebs youself sum taysties fings for wen you comes down ours chimney and I promiss to ‘bemember to tell Thai not to barks at youself. We ham going to be trackings youself agen this yeer and Mummy will makes sure we ham in bed before you gets to sees us.

Fanks youself and bemember to fluff hup you’s beerd.

From Arfur Carr

P.S. Thai wood lub sum berry taysties fings too.

Reedham Ferry Touring Park, Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham, Norwich, NR13 3HA

http://www.reedhamferry.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              *****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?    Millyons ob grasses.

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?          Millyons ob wabbits and cows.

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                We didn’t see’s any mowls.

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?        No horsey poos.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                 Walkies woz neer the river wot woz qwite sooper. Millyons ob sniffs.

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?   There woz fasilities but on haccont obs the millyons ob rayns meself and Thai did get to do sum washings hup.     

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:               *****

Date visited:                                             July 2015       

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                     Berry cleen and geenics.      

Did thems hab showers?                       Thems did.                

Did them habs ‘lektric?                          There woz ‘lektric ons anuvva part obs the site but we didn’t habs ‘lektric on haccount obs being on anuvva field.

Did Joodiff hab frends?                         Hers did be wib sum tents on ours field.

Woz it seclooded:                                   Not ‘ticularly but ours field did look out ova a millyon fields wot woz berry berry sooper.  

Woz it neers to a pub?                           Woz rite next to the Reedham Ferry Inn. Sooper... 

Any uvva comments:                         We did goes wen it woz a millyon rains and winds. Did habs lots of funs watchings hoomans putting hup tents in the berry berry rainy windyness wen we woz all snugglies in Joodiff. We lubs Joodiff. We did watchings peeples putting hup a tent for nearly for hole hours. Then we did walkies to the pub and did habs dinners. Then we did comes back and goes to bed wibs the berry berry windy rainy ness alls outside. Wen we did wakes hup in the morning the tenty peeples woz all gonned! Thems did either get blowed away or thems did gets berry berry wet and windied and did goes in the middle obs the nite. We woz berry berry warm and snugglies in Joodiff. 

Dukes Head, Slugs Lane, Somerleyton, Lowestoft, Suffolk, NR32 5QR

www.dukesheadsomerleyton.co.uk

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ***

Treet on arrival:                                       No treets

Waters bowl putted out:                       There woz sum outside the frunt door.

Enuff space for me layings down:        We did sittings outside so did hab millyons ob snoozings space.

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:  Hims cood qwite easy fit under the tayble.  

Amount ob leff-dovers:                         We did gets too beef drippings chippies each becoz Mummy and Meester Porl did gets fulled rite hup wibs lubbly porks wot we did not get to do any eatings ob.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:   Did habs a lubbly grassy garden wot woz sooper for sniffings and snoozings.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:        ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                   Yes thems did. Mummy woz happies.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                 Yes thems did. Meester Porl woz happies too.  

Sooperness obs menu:                     Woz berry sooper. Qwite stoopid prices tho.

Stickiness obs tables:                        Wozn’t stickies but did hab wosps wot woz annoying but ham summer.

Any uvva comments:            Did be’s close to the trayn stayshon and did hab lubbly walkies to the river. Hinside the pub did habs a dog friendlys part obs the bar buts the restront woznt unless you did eatings outside. 

Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham Ferry Inn, Reedham, Norwich, NR13 3HA

http://www.reedhamferry.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:              ***

Treet on arrival:                                      No treets

Waters bowl putted out:                      No waters but there woz waters outside

Enuff space for me layings down:       Plenties of floor spaces but did get nearly stooded on!

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:   Yes berry good for snoozings. Altho anuvva unders-the-table-dog did gets stooded on by hims Daddy wen hims woz under the table.

Carpits or hard?                                       Woz hards.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          I finks praps we did gets a chip each.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:  Didn’t habs a garden wot we did sees but did hab seets outside the frunt wot woz hard.  

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:        *****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                   Yes thems did.  

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                 Qwite lots. Meester Porl did try a few.

Sooperness obs menu:                     Berry sooper.

Stickiness obs tables:                       Not stickies at all.

Any uvva comments:                        Mummy and Meester Porl did lub thems food berry berry much. Thems sed woz a berry sooper propers pub wot woz berry close to where we did habs Joodiff snoozing for the nite. Lubbly looks onto the wet waters and sooper walkies.

The Rambler Inn, Edale, Hope Valley, Derbyshire, S33 7ZA

http://theramblerinn.com

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ****

Treet on arrival:                                       We did gets lots of treets. Eben the sheff man did gib us treets!

Waters bowl putted out:                       We did habs a hooge bowl obs waters. Wot ham good becoz sumtimes Thai finks hims a fish and needs to drinks millyons ob waters.

Enuff space for me layings down:        Plenties ob rooms

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:  Plenties ob room for himself. Eben under the tables for a meself.

Carpits or hard?                                       Woz hard hunfortunately.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          Not a single fing. Not eben sum ob Meester Porls hooge playt ob hams.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:   Millyons ob grasses. Sooper.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:             ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                         No but thems did habs Owld Rosie hinsted wot Mummy did qwite lub.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                      Thems did. Meester Porl woz berry pleezed. Hims tried them all on holibobs.

Sooperness obs menu:                          Woz sooper for beings fulled rite hup afta a hole day doing walkies hup a mowntin.

Stickiness obs tables:                             Not stickies.

Any uvva comments: Woz rite by the trayn stayshon ins Edale wot woz neer where we did stays. We did walkies hup the mowntin then getted the trayn to Hope then getted the bus to Castleton then getted the bus back to Hope then getted the bus back to Edale and meself and Thai was ‘zorstid so woz sooper to hab treets and waters and snoozed.  

The Old Nags Head, Edale, Hope Valley, Derbyshire, S33 7ZD

http://www.the-old-nags-head.co.uk

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ***

Treet on arrival:                                       No treet

Waters bowl putted out:                       Did hab a waters bowl hindoors.

Enuff space for me layings down:        Plenties wib sooper cowld floors wot you needs wen you ham berry hot afta mowntin walkies.

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:           Thems woz outside but we didn’t do sittings hinside so I duznt nos.

Carpits or hard?                                        Floors woz made ob hard but woz okies becoz we woz hots.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                          Didn’t eben gets a crum! Rood! Speshally afta woz dragged for a millyon miles and habing checked me ‘dopshon contract I ham correkt in sayings it stayts ‘greyhounds need too twentie minit walkies’… NOT seberal hours ob hup mowntin walkies. Ham not a mowntin gowt. Anyways, no leff-dovers eben for aboosed hounds.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:          Did habs a garden wot woz maked ob hard.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:             ****

Duz them habs Aspalls?                         None obs me Mummy’s fabrit syder.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                       Yes, Meester Porl woz berry pleezed.

Sooperness obs menu:                           Did look berry yummies and meself and Thai did not eben gets a crum! *points to comments abuv about leff-dovers, twentie minit walkies and aboose*

Stickiness obs tables:                             Mummy and Meester Porl did eats outside becoz ob sunshines so thems benches woz not stickies. Did not look like stickies hinside tables wen I putted me noze on them tho.

Any uvva comments:            Woz in the middle obs Edale village wot woz sooper for collapsing afta walkies for miles and miles and miles and miles (eben tho meself and Thai did gets rests and to drink out ob springs – bestest waters eba – we did eben get ours toes wet). Didn’t be’s too far froms the trayn stayshon.

Waterside Farm Campsite, Barber Booth Road, Edale, Derbyshire, S33 7ZL

hOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                        *****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings? Millyons ob grasses for rollings and eatings

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?     Woz wabbits and ducks and chikins and ebryfing wot you cood eba lub to do lookings at! Hinclooding sheeps. I lub sheeps.           

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?            Did hab mowls but not many

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?   Meself and Thai didn’t eats any horsey poos but Thai did lub sheepy poos.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?            Walkies to village woz on a smorl road but woz a millyon foot parfs to do walkies on too.   

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    Woz washings hup wib warm waters fasilities but we did get to be helpy wib the brekfst playts.  

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:                *****

Date visited:                                                Joon 2015

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                       Mummy sez hers toylets and showers woz probly more better than wot Meester Porls woz but then you ham on a farm.

Did thems hab showers?                         Woz showers, woz warm. Didn’t hab to use treet pennies.

Did them habs ‘lektric?                            No ‘lektrik but wozn’t a problem for Joodiff.             

Did Joodiff hab frends?                            Wen we did leeb Joodiff did hab sum friends but wen we did gets there Joodiff woz all on hers own.

Woz it seclooded:                                      Berry berry lubbly ins the mowntins.           

Woz it neers to a pub?                             Wib in walkies distance obs The Old Nags Head and The Rambler Inn.                

Any uvva comments:    Woz nessled between too hoooooge hills wot ham called Kinder Scowt ands Mam Tor (stoopid names!) Habbed a train line runnings across the back but the seenery maked hup for it by millions. Woz a werkings farm and did habs millyons ob aminals to do lookings at. Smorl ducks and more hooger ducks and ebil chikins and gowts and sheeps (I lubbed sheeps). Did hab walkies to the trayn station wot taked you to Hope ands then you cood get busses to Castleton wot we did. I did lub the trayn. I did not lub the bus. Mummy sez woz well werf the munnies for the ‘mazing hooge looks.

Bank House Farm Caravan and Camping Site, Mill Lane, Hulme End, Buxton, Derbyshire, SK17 0EX

http://bankhousefarmcamping.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              ****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?     Yes and did habs a river wot, if you ham a dog wot likes to go ins the water, you can go ins. Eben the man sed there woz a ‘dunkings dogs in water’ bit.

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?         Did see’s a lot ob wabbits and sum ducks. Ducks is okies but them ham not wabbits. Woz sheeps too. I lub sheeps.      

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                We didn’t see’s any mowls.

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?       No horsey poos but there woz sum on a walkies.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                Walkies woz down qwiet rowds to foot parfs. Lots ob footparfs. Hup more big hills and down slowps and froo sheeps feelds (I lub sheeps). Sum footparfs (wot we didn’t goes on) did hab fings wot you wood need to do lifting Arfurs ova. Fankfullies we didn’t use them so meself woz not hoomillyated. 

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    Woz washings hup fasilities but we did be helpy wib brekfst like normal.

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:           *****

Date visited:                                           June 2015     

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                  Berry genic.  

Did thems hab showers?                    Yes and thems woz free to use.                     

Did them habs ‘lektric?                       Yes we did habs ‘lektric.       

Did Joodiff hab frends?                       Lots ob frends but woz lubbly site.               

Woz it seclooded:                                Woz by a river ands in a hamlet (wot ham not maked of ham). Millyons ob walkies neer.

Woz it neers to a pub?                        Woz strayt opposite a pub wot we did habs a snooze and Mummy and Meester Porl did habs a drink in.                 

Any uvva comments:   Woz a berry lubbly pees-full site. Lubbly noises ob berds and waters and sheeps (I lub sheeps). Cood do walkies into the Manifold Valley froms the site or do a sooper long walkies into Hartington (the next village) froo the countryside footparfs. Alternatively, if you ham more sensibles and duzn’t want you’s houndies legs to be nearly a hole mile more shorter (not like Mummy and Meester Porl), you cood just goes to it down the road wot duznt take so long.

Top Farm Campsite, Careby Road, Ryhall, Stamford, Rutland, PE9 4EU

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              ***    

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?     Plenties ob grasses

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?          I did not see’s any wabbits but I spect there woz sum.

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                Agen, I did not see’s any but there cood hab be’d sum.

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?       Did not eat any poos

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                Walkies down to the village woz on the road but before we did leeb Mummy did realise there woz a foot parf across a feeld. Sum hoomans ham a bit fick.

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    Wozn’t any for washings hup so we did be helpy. Speshally wib the rowst chikin on acsident.

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:                    ***    

Date visited:                                                    June 2015      

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                           Thems woz okies for pees and poos.           

Did thems hab showers?                              No showers               

Did them habs ‘lektric?                                 Did hab ‘lektric.       

Did Joodiff hab frends?                                 The ferst nite hers woz qwite lonely. The second nite hers did hab qwite a few frends.

Woz it seclooded:                                          Woz a farm ons the edge obs a smorl village.

Woz it neers to a pub?                                  There woz a pub ins the village.

Any uvva comments:                         Woz a lubbly site hup a smorl hill (in comparison to ours holibobs mowntins). Did hab a berry pritty village ands a river ands a little humpy bridge (you nos… one wot looks like a camel not wot lubs to do sexy times on you’s back). And sheeps. I lub sheeps.

The Trowel and Hammer, 49 Pakefield Street, Lowestoft, Suffolk, NR33 0JS

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:               ****

Treet on arrival:                                       No treets

Waters bowl putted out:                       Did hab water bowls hinside

Enuff space for me layings down:        There woz hindeed

Taybles big enuff for Thai snoozings under:                We didn’t do eatings hindoors but Thai did snoozings under the tayble outside

Carpits or hard?                                       *scratches hed* I can’t ‘member meself. I finks a mixture.

Amount ob leff-dovers:                         Meself and Thai did get a cupple ob chippies from Mummy and sum veggibles from Meester Porl. Sept Thai ham not a veggiblist and hims did  spits them out so I et thems too.

If it habs a garden, duz it habs grass:          Did habs a garden wib grasses.

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:        ***

Duz them habs Aspalls?                    Thems did.

Duz thems habs reel ayl?                  Thems did.

Sooperness obs menu:                      Woz pubs foods wot filled themselfs hup before holibobs hadventure.

Stickiness obs tables:                        Outsides woz okies.

Any uvva comments:                        Ham dog frendlies hinside and out. Thems garden duz goes rite onto the cliffs wot leeds to the beech for walkies. 

Green Haven Campsite, The Street, Rumburgh, Halesworth, Suffolk, IP19 0NL

http://greenhavensuffolkholidays.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              ****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?       Yes, lots ob grasses and long grasses for sniffings in. Sooper.

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?          Lots of wabbits for watchings. Berry sooper.           

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                 Did not hab any mowls but Thai did qwite lub the wabbits too.        

Trees for wees hup?                                               Trees and long grasses.        

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?        Did hab horses for doing lookings at but thems poos woz the uvva side obs the fense.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                 Walkies woz on lubbly country roads.

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    There woz fasilities but meself and Thai did still get to do brekfst playt lickings.

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:                      *****

Date visited:                                                       May 2015

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                              Berry ‘geenics and shiny.

Did thems hab showers?                                 Yes qwite hooge coobicles.

Did them habs ‘lektric?                                   *nods* Yes. Lektrik.

Did Joodiff hab frends?                                   Yes there woz space for five Joodiffs and sum tents.

Woz it seclooded:                                             Berry qwite wib lots of feelds and berds. Berry pees-full.

Woz it neers to a pub?                                    It woz but wozn’t open wen we did try to goes.

(If yes, did we reviews it...)                           

Any uvva comments:            Thems woz berry berry frendlies eben to nature. Thems did use the sunshine to makes ‘lektric and thems did use the rayn to makes the toylets go flush and thems did make thems own apple joose. We did turnings hup on the rong day (becoz Meester Porl did gets it rong and hims didn’t eben drink any obs the wobbly joose) and thems did still find ourselfs a space wot woz berry lubbly ob themselves. Hunfortunatly Meester Porl wen hims wozn’t drinking wobbly joose didn’t see’s that thems did only let one dog stay in each Joodiff. I did sez that I ham not a dog I ham an Arfur. Thems sed okies then and we woz allowdid to stay wot woz qwite sooper.

P.S. We hab resently habed an emayl from themselfs to sez thems ham finking abouts refinking thems one dog polly-see. If thems duz we ham defnatly goings back. We did lub it here.

Rushbanks Farm Caravan and Camping Site, Bures Road, Wissington, Suffolk, CO6 4NA

http://www.rushbanksfarm.co.uk/

HOUNDY RATING OUT OBS 5:                              *****

Did it habs grasses for rollings and eatings?     Lots ob berry lubbly grasses for rollings and eatings.           

Did it hab wabbits for meselfs watching?         No wabbits but there woz ducks and ducklinks and I did do watchings them a little bit.        

Did it hab mowls for Thai’s sniffings?                 Thai finked him founded a mowl but I finks him woz seeings fings. Too many fresh airs gonned to hims brayn.         

Trees for wees hup?                                               Sum lubbly shrubberies for wees and sniffings.

Did it has horsey poos neer it for eatings?        No horsey poos but woz sum bugs to try to do catching wib you’s teefs.

Woz walkies away from bizzy roads?                 Woz lubbly walkies on country roads.

Did we get to do washings hup or woz there fasilities?    There woz sum washings hup fasilities but meself and Thai did get to do helpings wib brekfst washings hup anyways. ‘Parently dinners woz maked of bottom ‘sploding fings.

                                                                                                

HOOMAN RATING OUT OBS 5:         *****

Date visited:                                          May 2015

Woz the facilities ‘geenic?                 Thems woz ‘geenic enuff for wees and poos – ham a tradishonal campysite.

Did thems hab showers?                    No showers but berry filfy peeples cood habs a jump ins the river like wot labradoors do to get cleen.         

Did them habs ‘lektric?                       No ‘lektric but Mummy did get hers candles out and it woz qwite romantikal altho I did only hav Thai to snuggle wib and hims not me gerlfrend, hims me bruvva.

Did Joodiff hab frends?                      There woz a cupple of frends for Joodiff but not too many.                

Woz it seclooded:                                Berry berry seclooded and green and neer the river.

Woz it neers to a pub?                       Wood hab be’d if you habbed a bowt but Joodiff duznt flowt so Mummy and Meester Porl did habs fizzy wines hinsted from Joodiff. 

Any uvva comments:  We did habs a lubbly lubbly hadventure here. Woz ebryones favrit and we ham hopefullies goings back in Orgust. We woz rite by the river and did sunbavings and watchings ducklinks and I did sum wee’s on Thai’s hed. Did hab rowp swings hinto the river too wot did look sooper.